Fiction Friday Post for August 21st, 2009

Oh, woe is me! It's been so bloody long since I've posted on one of my favorite online writing exercises. I sporadically participate in this exercise and there are always so many wonderful posts. I love to read every one of the entries. Now that I'm dedicating my Fridays to my own writing, I will do what I can to include “Write Everything“s Fiction Friday. This week:

Start your story with a game of hide and seek.

My Entry:

Jimmy crouched inside the old wooden trunk, trembling and doing his best not to sneeze from the dust he stirred by climbing inside…dust he felt sticking to the tears that had stained his red cheeks.

“Jimmy! Where the hell are you!”

Jimmy felt only slightly relieved that his father's voice sounded distant. Perhaps this hiding space would work after all.

“Jimmy, when I get my hands–”

Jimmy's eyes went wide when he heard what sounded like a grunt and some stumbling. This was the first time he had stood up to his father and hearing his father fall, he was sure he was going to live to regret it. Jimmy had only grabbed the nearest thing he could get his hands on…the small pick hammer in the connecting garage. Playing baseball, he grabbed it like the bat and swung, not thinking about what would happen if he actually hit his father with it. He only meant to scare him away so he could run. But that's not how it happened. The pointed end had come into contact with his father's knee. Jimmy swallowed down the bile that came up in his throat as he remembered the sickening “crack” sound.

Silence. After what sounded like his father falling, he hadn't heard anything more, except the thundering of his heart in his ears. Was it safe to come out?

————————

DOH! 5-minute timer went off! That's the ending of this post!!

That's my two pence…

Arial πŸ˜‰

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13 Responses to Fiction Friday Post for August 21st, 2009

  1. itallmeanssomething says:

    Wow! Bad situation. I can completely feel and see it. Good job!

  2. janflora says:

    Ohmigosh…i so want to know what happens to that poor boy! I am definitely feeling his fear. Do you always do just the 5 min exercise? Ever use any of them as starters for a whole story? This was my first try, so I am trying to get some hints. Thank you for visiting my post btw πŸ™‚

    • Arial says:

      Thanks for your comments on the piece. Yes, I very much try to stay with the five minutes. I set a timer and the only time I usually go over is when I’m trying to finish a thought or close it up. I don’t like to stop in the middle of…..

      See what I mean? LOL Keeping the timer helps me stay honest and true to the REAL meaning of the exercise, which is NOT to edit yourself and let your creativity flow. If you have a small amount of time, you don’t have time to edit your piece, so you just push yourself to keep writing. I know for most writers, that’s a difficult thing to do…write and keep writing until your done…THEN edit your piece. Some of us tend to think we have to get it right the moment we put our fingers to the keyboard/pen to paper. That’s just not realistic AND it means we’re way too hard on ourselves as artists.

      Again, thanks for coming by and commenting. I ‘m looking forward to reading some of your posts (I couldn’t find the link to your blog!).

      • janflora says:

        πŸ™‚ you already did…its listed as “writer’s flow” which is what i named it when I decided i needed to stop blocking myself…I am very bad about self editing and stopping, changing things. Heck, i do it in comments too πŸ™‚ So I appreciate your advice. May not make it this week but I will be back to FicFri!

  3. Mark says:

    That’s a good ending point. Leaves the reader wanting more.

    Sometimes, whether a disagreement has been physical or not, you end up feeling, “Is it safe to come out?”

    I like this.

    • Arial says:

      Thanks for the comments. And I agree…we get a little gun-shy after some our painful experiences and that’s exactly what I wanted to portray in this piece. I appreciate you seeing the deeper meaning and pointing it out! I feel accomplished as a writer!!! LOL

      Cheers!

  4. kajoemanis says:

    your story made me tense!
    well written. you led me to the end with emotional feeling inside πŸ™‚

    • Arial says:

      Wonderful! Thank you for taking the time to read it and for leaving a comment. I glanced at your blog and left a couple of comments, as well. Your style has a very melancholy feel to it, a tender haunting, so-to-speak. Thanks for sharing!

  5. Ronda Levine says:

    You can’t stop there!

    Nice job with the suspense. I want to know what happens next!

  6. Poor kid. I hope he live to see the sun come up. I could completely see the scene unfold. Great job.

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