What IS it that women love about romance novels? For me, it's the fact that the Hero of the story can't get enough of the Heroine. She walks across the room and he gets a hard-on just looking at her! THAT'S the kind of relationship I wanted! Eh…that's simplifying it, but it's an element.
Both my ex's said men like that didn't exist…as most men will agree. As a writer of romance novels AND having gone through two divorces, I myself began to wonder if any man would be able to live up to that image. “But,” I reasoned with myself, “there has to be SOME truth about these romance novel heroes.”
Believe it or not, there really IS some truth to those stories. I know. I finally have my Romance Novel Hero! But here's the fact and fantasy that I've learned about finding your true Romance Novel Hero and what the misconceptions really are…misconceptions that I also fell into.
WHAT IS The Romance Novel Hero?
In the books, the Hero usually can't keep his hands or his mind off the Heroine (e.g., libido through the roof), he pursues her with a passion, is physically appealing, and he sees something about her that's irresistible. When you break it down in those terms, doesn't he look a little more realistic? No? Then let me explain…
The part most men seem to be intimidated about and why they feel they can't measure up to the Hero is the libido. I've done my research and I've asked a LOT of men about this topic. It's their manhood that is threatened. Having been through two divorces and finally finding my own Hero gave me a lot of insight into the truth about that constant libido. Another source was the book “He's Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. Ladies…do NOT avoid this book! This book tells you the TRUTH about men and how they behave toward women…and sometimes the truth hurts. Read it!
The truth about the romance novel heroes is not sexual virility. It's true love. When a man is head-over-heels in love with a woman, he cannot get enough of her! The Hero feels that way about the Heroine because he has found his true love. It is NOT about how he can go “SCHA-WING!” by looking at ANY woman. Any man can go “SCHA-WING!” when he's with his true love.
Look Into My Eyes!
You know the saying…”Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.” I understand that sex sells and the eye candy on the cover is what gets us to pick up the book. But when we're talking about the truth, he's sexy to HER. Both the Hero and the Heroine only have eyes for each other. It goes deeper than the eye candy, but frequently the covers of our books distract the average individual from that truth. YOUR Hero in real life is attractive to YOU. He makes YOUR pulse race when you see him. He makes YOUR stomach flip when he draws near. And you should be doing the same for him…it's a two-way street. That's what makes it true love. One-sided is just bordering stalker level.
Both the Hero and the Heroine find SOMETHING about each other they can’t explain or they don’t understand. Her faults may grate on everyone else around them, but to the Hero they don’t matter as much; and the same goes for the Heroine about the Hero’s faults. This CAN happen. Everyone has faults, but your true love has too many pros to worry about the cons. That’s how you know you’ve found the right person…you BOTH feel that way about each other.
One big lesson I learned about relationships: You CANNOT change the person you’re with nor can you expect them to change in any way, shape, or form. If you list the pros and the cons about the person you’re considering spending the rest of your life with, look closely at that list of cons. Ask yourself one question: “If s/he NEVER changed any of those things, could I live with that for the rest of my life?” If the answer is “no”, then you’re with the wrong person.
Raise That Bar!
Can you find the true love of your life and find the one you dream of? Absolutely! I’m a firm believer of that! So why are we unhappy or our relationships end in divorce? I think it's because we settle for second best. Meaning, we grab onto the first guy that comes along because we think we’re not going to get any better than that. Here are two steps to success in finding your Hero:
- Look into that mirror and truthfully be able to say, “I love that girl I’m lookin’ at!” And you need to MEAN it! Yeah, you have flaws – and it’s not to say you can’t work on those. But when it comes down to the end of the day, who are you inside and do you love that woman? If you cannot say you love yourself and that you would be your own best friend, then you need to work on that. It really is true: If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else. That's how we attract losers…if we think we're a loser, we get a loser – like attracts like.
- KNOW what you want in a life partner…AND DON’T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS! The fear that we are going to miss out on the perfect mate is completely unwarranted. There are SIX BILLION people on the face of this planet. Odds are there is more than just ONE person out there that meets your criteria.
Love yourself FIRST. Then know what you want in a mate. Believe it! Put that energy out there and it WILL happen! (Watch “The Secret” if you don't know how to do that.) And don’t give up! I am a firm believer that anyone can find their Prince Charming and live happily ever after!! Go for it!
That's my two pence…